i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
