Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
