I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
