I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
