He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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