He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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