"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
