pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
