please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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