ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
