Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
