Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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