If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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