Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
