i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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