it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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