How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
