Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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