Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
