he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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