I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
