for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
