apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
