I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
