And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
