he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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