I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
