why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
