Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
