i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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