i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
