worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
