Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
