So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
