It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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