So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
