yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
