Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
