SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
