i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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