Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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