Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
