i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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