your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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