finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
