Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
