that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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