Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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