as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
