It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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