dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
