is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
