she woke up with a sticky ear
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
