he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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