fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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