I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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