I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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